Pieces of ourselves

Being alive and breathing is the best and the worst thing that ever happened to us. It is the best thing because we get to experience all these indescribable moments in our lives. We get to feel and express our opinions and do things that make us happy. I think that it was a blessing for me to be alive because I realized how to love and care for other people. It was not too long ago when I did not know how to express these things because I guess, I was just socially awkward. I used to be monotone and uncaring towards all things, I couldn’t really care about what happened around me. I really just never paid attention to others and the meaning of certain things. I failed to see the value of the people and things that surrounded me.

I guess, we always get the revelation when we have lost something or someone and that something or someone can never be repaired or returned to the way it was before. I guess this is the biggest calamity of life; the feeling of not being wanted and the feeling of losing someone, well to me anyways.

Life has its ups and downs, but lol, you will never realize how lucky you were until you have sunken to this very dark bottomless pit in your mind or heart. Our brains have no off switch so it sucks when everything goes wrong because we can’t stop thinking about it. Before we sleep (if we’re even lucky enough to get to rest), while we watch t.v, drive or even while we remove our shoes, this feeling strikes us like a tape worm in our stomach. It will continue to grow as we continue to feed it with food or in this case our thoughts.

When we meet someone, and we become friends with them or even better, close-to-almost family friends. We allow them to own a piece in our hearts, this piece can be as little as talcum powder and can just disintegrate with a simple swoosh. Or maybe this piece can be as hard and strong as a diamond that the bond created is almost indestructible. The point is we give them a piece of ourselves. The sad thing is when these people or things suddenly leave or break. The piece that we have specially assigned to these people also leave and break. You see, we have come to be sentimental of these people and things. I have been emotionally attached  to that thing therefore when it is gone, that piece in my heart is tugged out and disappears. I think this goes for everyone because once we lose something or someone we love, we lose a piece or a part of ourselves that used to be there. That part disappeared with the person or object that leaves us changed. That is why I think people are constantly
changing because nothing in the world is infinite.

The change may not be evident right away but slowly we will see that little by little a puzzle that used to represent us break. Using this puzzle analogy, we are a whole, every time we meet someone we allow them to peer into what is us, they take a piece of our puzzle, that piece is the us that they have come to know. These people leave and suddenly we are one piece short of ourselves, of our own identity.

I guess it just affects me so much when someone I have become attached to abruptly dies or leaves me because I give my all to someone or something. I don’t have a middle area, it just seems like go big or go home. It is either you’re important to me or you’re not. I cannot pretend to care because its very tiring to me.

Everything we own and everyone we meet changes us. Losing someone that is close to our hearts means that we have lost something in us as well.

The funny thing about life is that it makes us regret everything that we have done but in the end we end up not regretting these things because then we think, “if that did not happen then I would not have known these things or these people.” But I guess that is just my optimistic view of life because someone pessimistic might think, “if that did not happen to me, I would’ve have had a better life.”

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