I think it was two months ago that I watched the movie Doubt in my religion class. I thought the movie was fantastic with Meryl Streep and the late Philip Seymour Hoffman. It is one of those movies that freely lets the audience create an ending that they want without limiting the possible endings. Ironically in the end, the movie left me with a lot of thoughts and of course doubts. I started asking myself, Why? How? When? The usual questions asked when trying to logically understand something.
I remember the times when I was so sure of what I wanted to do, or what I wanted and who my friends are or which food I really loved, presently however I have lost track. I think the right words to describe what’s going on in my head are disoriented, confused and lost. After watching the movie, it somehow got me thinking; I have doubts that I refused to acknowledge, uncertainties that create a lot of noise in my head. I would like all the noise to stop but I can’t and it probably won’t, I would say that all I can do is wait, wait and wait more until I guess the doubt becomes a proven rumor in my head. It makes me feel more lost and afraid that I don’t have full control of my future, that I can only spur a little part of it. All my anxiety comes from these universities and colleges and the push to earn money. How I wish society’s deciding factor on how money is given out is by how much a person enjoys the job. The more the person feels happy or enjoy all the aspects of his/her career the more he/she earns the money. But in today’s modern secular world, it’s all about money. We learn to acquire money even if it is against our will and feelings. I have all these doubts that I can’t help but think about, it’s the demon that flourishes at a dark part of my brain near my ears always whispering me doubts that has caused me to be uncertain even of my own identity. I hope I do not become the girl who became uncertain, who became a doubter and doubted everything around her.
Exhausting the topic of me doubting everything, this is one of the few things that I am positively sure about, my favorite scene in the movie Doubt: